


Rock Bottom

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, Gen, Hugs, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-12 20:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean leaves the motel room, wanting to get away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rock Bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Semi-inspired by [this](http://maskedfangirl.livejournal.com/29759.html#cutid1) wonderful piece of art.

Dean leaves the motel room, wanting to get _away,_ away from the place they were shot, away from the place where the rug was yanked out from under them _again._

He doesn’t see Sam walk over to the trash can, fish his necklace out and put it in his pocket.

He leans against the side of the Impala, staring at the sky. Normal stars, not the swirly, trippy sky of Heaven.

He thought he’d hit bottom when Bobby was paralyzed. He thought he’d hit bottom when Ellen and Jo had died. He thought he’d hit bottom when Sam was detoxing from demon blood and Cas had fallen far enough to be affected by Famine.

But that, all of that, was nothing compared to this. That God knew what was going on, and didn’t _care,_ didn’t give a rat’s ass about the world or the people he’d created, was willing to let it all _burn,_ unless they somehow figured out a way to stop it... The three of them, plus Bobby, all on their own, with Heaven, Hell and Earth against them.

He could have dealt with all that, if it weren’t for Cas. Dean never had any faith to shake–he was just grasping at straws. And he figures Sam’s faith bit the dust when he found out he was destined to be outerwear for the devil. But Cas…

Cas had believed, really _believed._ For all his doubts about the way Heaven was being run, he’d never lost his faith in God. He was the one who taught _Dean_ to believe, if not in God or angels, then in him.

He remembers Cas’ voice, saying Joshua might be lying. Knowing he wasn’t, but wanting, begging someone to agree, to lie to him. He remembers the way his voice broke when he cursed God for betraying him. It would almost have been better if he’d railed at Heaven, at the father who’d let him down, rather than the quiet, hopeless defeat in his tone as he gave Dean back his necklace.

_I don’t need this anymore. It’s worthless._

And he remembers a different Cas, one he’d sworn would never exist, with a broken smile and a green army coat. _Why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence, right? It's the end, baby. That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out? But then that's, that's just how I roll._

He’d sworn he would stop it, but it was happening. Just like Michael had said, the more he tried to fight it, the less it mattered. Maybe Pamela was right. Maybe he _should_ say yes to Michael, get it all over with. But something, some spark of his old stubbornness, stops him.

Just then there’s a flutter of wings and Cas is beside him. Dean looks in his eyes and sees nothing but torment, betrayal, despair.

He reaches out, blindly, acting on instinct, the same impulse that led him to climb into bed next to Sam when he’d had a nightmare when they were younger, and wraps Cas in a hug.

Cas stiffens for a moment, then sags against him and sobs.

Dean holds him as he cries for his shattered faith, his uncaring father, and the tears he hasn’t been able to shed flow down his own cheeks.

He realizes in that moment that he has to keep going. He’s all Cas has now, now that his family has all turned against him. His future self hadn’t cared, and maybe that’s why Cas turned out the way he did in 2014. Of course it’s just as likely that Cas gave up and having his bastion of strength, his last support once Sam said yes crumble was what had made Dean stop caring.

But either way, they need each other, and damned if he’s going to be another person who lets Cas down.


End file.
